I know I’ve been wrong and I haven’t cared.
I’ve been let down. I’ve been hurt. There’s a lot that’s been uncertain. A lot of why’s and bad attitudes. I’ve let myself wander into the 5 stages of grief without taking my heart to the healer. Left in a state of denial, not allowing my heart to heal, but allowing bitterness and anger to creep in instead.
It’s been a heavy load.
My good friend gave me a book and practically made me take and read it, to which I am thankful. It’s called “Wait and See” by Wendy Pope. As I’ve been reading through it, it’s all about the waiting period and what we are to do during that. We are to remain faithful to do what we know we should do. We are to pray and are to praise Him, faithfully. It is a book about perspective and where ours should be. Wendy says, “As we wait, we find peace in God’s plans and hope in His pauses. Our focus moves from the object of our wait to the Person of our faith”. The concept she tries to convey is that through our waiting and as we lean “IN” we build our faith in Him, though our circumstance may never change. We learn that He provides and sustains even during the most difficult of times.
I have been failing.
I have not been “waiting well”. I’ve grown weary. My season of needing to rely on Him has been exchanged for a season of pushing Him away and avoiding my circumstances, my hurt. As I read her words I am convicted of my neglect and my attitude. The author of “Wait and See” reminds me that sometimes in order to gain perspective of how good God really is (though it may not feel that He is), is to remember those times in which He has already blessed me. At the end of the chapter she asks questions and refers to the Word, Psalm 13, 1 Peter 5:7, and finally Psalm 40:3. And in an instant I am reminded of those times where God blessed me! Where I saw Him working the most in my life.
I find comfort in His WORDS.
Psalm 40:3 brings me back. I start to read…”And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.”
On March 5, 2016 God woke me up early, I started praying and I specifically remember praying for a friend who was running a marathon that morning. “Lord help her as she runs, give her strength and put a new song in her mouth”….wait, where did that come from? I wasn’t sure but it was a verse I had memorized and it just came out during my prayer. After I finished praying I looked up the verse and started reading Psalm 40. It spoke to my heart like no other passage. I read it again, and again.
1 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.
3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.
4 Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
5 Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.
6 Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required.
7 Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me,
8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.
9 I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O Lord, thou knowest.
10 I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation.
11 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O Lord: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.
12 For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.
13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me: O Lord, make haste to help me.
14 Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me evil.
15 Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame that say unto me, Aha, aha.
16 Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The Lord be magnified.
17 But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.
I believe it is a perfect scenario to reflect on as I remember just how good God has been to me and as I push on to wait patiently and lean IN towards the one who knows my neediness and loves me anyway. It refreshes my heart to read it today and encourages me as I reflect back.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. I remember reading this passage multiple times and excitedly telling those I love how God had mirrored my life in this chapter. I read it over and over, cried sobs of tears in thanksgiving and praised Him for how GOOD He has been to me, how He had brought me out of my miry clay! I don’t think it is coincidence that God allowed the author to bring this to my recollection.
God wants us to remember in the most difficult of times that He is still here, looking after us. Wanting to work all things for our good, that we may glorify HIM.
Thank you for this reminder, dear Lord! Forgive me for not waiting well.